there is something in type, which i can't describe. it's so lofty and floating heavy high, it's breath from a bag that satisfies all hunger. it's sencha máte oatstraw horsetail mint alfalfa passionflower lemon balm sugar & longing. there's existence brought to tongue tip, burnt cells from hot soup immediacy, but with the ecstasy of said drug without the after-dinner invisible sandwich. it's the passion of sex hunger but without indoors to traipse over your inner fuck-ups. it's a constant paper cut that extends for the universe of every collective skin, but instead of bad it's complete and complete and also complete happiness. the atom-split of thought gets multiplied from single dopamine drop to infinite probability, the million-sided-die of the earth, and all of our plants and planets, that we own with god's sure-footed mind and hearth. it's the way you feel after waking death. it's free shit, it's everywhere. and it's one word answer, it's final say and syllable, it's beauty and it's simplicity, is in this one pin prick, this easy, motherly eye-closing...
but open up? we got 13 bagels, fresh-frozen, 2 everythings for the morning. and as addendum: drink townshend's tea company "brew dr" kombucha.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Half Headache
-first half papers on wall-
first half comprised of wall coverings, slight. walls painted white, evenly, over uneven surface. no holes to breathe. poster paper put behind bookshelf and stacked crates, adhered with clear thumb tacks at each of every 4 corners. large poster board of archaic aerial view of seattle with one corner cut off and missing, affixed with 5 large dark screws into the wall. (poster board is paper with foam in between). next is paper painted by meg in constructed wooden boxes, next is two posters put together with a hole cut out of the both of them, heavily stapled, next is a clock with hourly markings made from a cut up and reconstructed 'reconstruction site' poster. red converge cut-up behind a red chair. many random papers that can't hold explanation in the kitchen. 3 posters in the hallway. 6 posters on one edge of the living room wall in one vertical stack. fabric near the front door. all cling to the dead paint in ways that were specified as "not allowed" in our 6-month lease that we signed. (2 months ago).
-second half paper mâché on halves of brain-
i helped janine study for school she studied to memorize the many specific and tiny parts of the brain. i pointed to things and she told me the right term that she memorized almost every time and i remembered nothing of it. shes very smart sorry "she's very smart". i want to sleep so much but i have to get up so early for work now like 6:30am and i know that's not early for most but it's hard to adjust my brain and my life to that i know it seems like i'm a baby like i'm not even trying but i am trying i swear i am. sometimes to lay in a comatose pattern of waves in the folds of the skull we can just rock back and forth like the ocean without thinking and it's really nice to keep moving without any thought and just without any paperwork and just say "close your eyes" and keep sleeping without any words attached to paper. oh, to be painted over, to be elapsed in total bloated sin, with only an ethereal white mark to distinguish your body from the rest of the world, from dirt and trees and wonder. to blend like a thin coat over arms of apartments all over the bland sky-scape of amerciA.
first half comprised of wall coverings, slight. walls painted white, evenly, over uneven surface. no holes to breathe. poster paper put behind bookshelf and stacked crates, adhered with clear thumb tacks at each of every 4 corners. large poster board of archaic aerial view of seattle with one corner cut off and missing, affixed with 5 large dark screws into the wall. (poster board is paper with foam in between). next is paper painted by meg in constructed wooden boxes, next is two posters put together with a hole cut out of the both of them, heavily stapled, next is a clock with hourly markings made from a cut up and reconstructed 'reconstruction site' poster. red converge cut-up behind a red chair. many random papers that can't hold explanation in the kitchen. 3 posters in the hallway. 6 posters on one edge of the living room wall in one vertical stack. fabric near the front door. all cling to the dead paint in ways that were specified as "not allowed" in our 6-month lease that we signed. (2 months ago).
-second half paper mâché on halves of brain-
i helped janine study for school she studied to memorize the many specific and tiny parts of the brain. i pointed to things and she told me the right term that she memorized almost every time and i remembered nothing of it. shes very smart sorry "she's very smart". i want to sleep so much but i have to get up so early for work now like 6:30am and i know that's not early for most but it's hard to adjust my brain and my life to that i know it seems like i'm a baby like i'm not even trying but i am trying i swear i am. sometimes to lay in a comatose pattern of waves in the folds of the skull we can just rock back and forth like the ocean without thinking and it's really nice to keep moving without any thought and just without any paperwork and just say "close your eyes" and keep sleeping without any words attached to paper. oh, to be painted over, to be elapsed in total bloated sin, with only an ethereal white mark to distinguish your body from the rest of the world, from dirt and trees and wonder. to blend like a thin coat over arms of apartments all over the bland sky-scape of amerciA.
Friday, June 18, 2010
June at 18
JUSTANUPDATE))))))))))
i've been working very hard lately. i've been very stressed lately, but i'm working on it. i've enjoyed living in seattle, but not as much as i thought i would. i'm currently a forensic mental health clinician for a housing program at Sound Mental Health. it's a local county-funded entity. i've also been baking and delivering pies for a local pie company, but i am almost done with that due to this new job. i recently haven't seen many shows because i just haven't been in the mood. i saw john vanderslice and karl blau (very good) at the tractor tavern, which was fun. i missed seeing lords and akimbo just down the street, which is a bummer. i also missed seeing themselves and talkdemonic, which i really wanted to see, but didn't. i've been eating many meaty sandwiches at deli's in the downtown/belltown area of seattle, where i work. i haven't been drinking at all, but i've had 2 beers tonight, which feels nice. i drink at least 2 cups of coffee daily. i've been running a mild amount (3-6 miles at a time, about 3 or 4 times a week) and hope to kick it up and run the seattle marathon. i've been driving a '92 mercury topaz. i've been putting up booker youngblutt's graffiti stickers around town so that i feel a little more at home, chicago-like-home. i've been watching a lot of movies with my lovely girlfriend janine. i got an iPhone from work and have been playing a lot with it. I got used to capitalizing things more, due to typing at work, and I now sometimes capitalize the beginning of sentences, as well as "I"s. i hung out with frances (from flagstaff) a couple times, which is cool. i've been intermittently playing guitar, which feels nice. i feel like i need to be conscious as much as i can, enjoy myself, shave my face, meditate, before i'm on the floor and unable to speak. that still happens sometimes, but i'm glad it's only for existentially brief moments.
i've been working very hard lately. i've been very stressed lately, but i'm working on it. i've enjoyed living in seattle, but not as much as i thought i would. i'm currently a forensic mental health clinician for a housing program at Sound Mental Health. it's a local county-funded entity. i've also been baking and delivering pies for a local pie company, but i am almost done with that due to this new job. i recently haven't seen many shows because i just haven't been in the mood. i saw john vanderslice and karl blau (very good) at the tractor tavern, which was fun. i missed seeing lords and akimbo just down the street, which is a bummer. i also missed seeing themselves and talkdemonic, which i really wanted to see, but didn't. i've been eating many meaty sandwiches at deli's in the downtown/belltown area of seattle, where i work. i haven't been drinking at all, but i've had 2 beers tonight, which feels nice. i drink at least 2 cups of coffee daily. i've been running a mild amount (3-6 miles at a time, about 3 or 4 times a week) and hope to kick it up and run the seattle marathon. i've been driving a '92 mercury topaz. i've been putting up booker youngblutt's graffiti stickers around town so that i feel a little more at home, chicago-like-home. i've been watching a lot of movies with my lovely girlfriend janine. i got an iPhone from work and have been playing a lot with it. I got used to capitalizing things more, due to typing at work, and I now sometimes capitalize the beginning of sentences, as well as "I"s. i hung out with frances (from flagstaff) a couple times, which is cool. i've been intermittently playing guitar, which feels nice. i feel like i need to be conscious as much as i can, enjoy myself, shave my face, meditate, before i'm on the floor and unable to speak. that still happens sometimes, but i'm glad it's only for existentially brief moments.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
EN OMEN
if the letter "M" is situated just above the letter "W", it makes 2 symmetrical diamond shapes.
"Hannah and Her Sisters" is a movie. "Hannah and Her Sisters" is a movie about people, well, about Hannah, her 2 sisters, everyone's respective and disrespectful relationships. well, "Hannah and Her Sisters" is about respecting your life, and you mind. "Hannah and Her Sisters" was the judgment of the third reich, "Hannah and Her Sisters" was the ambivalence of the second coming, "Hannah and Her Sisters" was my one and only. imaginary numbers burned "Hannah and Her Sisters" at the stake. but only for cosmical reasons. i remember taking "Hannah and Her Sisters" to dinner once; we argued about the tip. no, no, "Hannah and Her Sisters" and i argued about how to talk to waiters. the coin flip stopped with a breath and burnt cross-bearing wood on the deck of the ship "Hannah and Her Sisters". michael caine did not deserve it, however, it is my belief that dianne wiest did deserve it. food sex and bombs. "Hannah and Her Sisters".
if the letter "W" is situated just above the letter "M", it makes 2 symmetrical "X"s.
"Hannah and Her Sisters" is a movie. "Hannah and Her Sisters" is a movie about people, well, about Hannah, her 2 sisters, everyone's respective and disrespectful relationships. well, "Hannah and Her Sisters" is about respecting your life, and you mind. "Hannah and Her Sisters" was the judgment of the third reich, "Hannah and Her Sisters" was the ambivalence of the second coming, "Hannah and Her Sisters" was my one and only. imaginary numbers burned "Hannah and Her Sisters" at the stake. but only for cosmical reasons. i remember taking "Hannah and Her Sisters" to dinner once; we argued about the tip. no, no, "Hannah and Her Sisters" and i argued about how to talk to waiters. the coin flip stopped with a breath and burnt cross-bearing wood on the deck of the ship "Hannah and Her Sisters". michael caine did not deserve it, however, it is my belief that dianne wiest did deserve it. food sex and bombs. "Hannah and Her Sisters".
if the letter "W" is situated just above the letter "M", it makes 2 symmetrical "X"s.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Republican Harrison
running downhill is markedly different than running uphill. downhill has it's obvious facility: a faster, easier quick-fix. however, uphill's plight makes for much better blood motion, therefore a better reason for being out in the first place. a difficult path brings greater rewards afterward. i used to think this was true as an analogy to life; i tend to purposefully put myself in varied situations in order to then reap the benefits of such diversity, such environmental weight to keep my mind moving. i now think that people keep themselves comfortable in order to keep grips on sanity, a better position from which to stabilize growth through controlled interaction, basing such branches off of one's own particular comfort level. i learned to list these modified behavior techniques, and have now thus unlearned, forgot, misplaced many now-foreign objects in the mind. i now prefer to stay in, when i go out i jog downhill but quickly turn around to run uphill. the feeling is killed when i know i must stop, wind down, walk with high knees, stretch, again stop moving. this is replacement for a blog i almost started as a running journal, to myself via the internet. these words are replacement for meaningful social conversation, replacement for not keeping up on phone calls to people, to myself via the internet.
a woman recently asked if i'd ever believed in santa claus, the tooth fairy. i said that, perceptibly, i used to believe, when i was much younger, then i got really drunk in high school, and now i'm older and i don't believe. a much simplified story, but it makes sense to me at this moment.
a woman recently asked if i'd ever believed in santa claus, the tooth fairy. i said that, perceptibly, i used to believe, when i was much younger, then i got really drunk in high school, and now i'm older and i don't believe. a much simplified story, but it makes sense to me at this moment.
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